FORGIVENESS
         Forgiveness is a critical component of any relationship, but especially so in a marriage. Putting two sinners together for a lifetime is sure to create opportunities for hurt feelings and the necessity to make peace. Being a peacemaker from a biblical perspective allows the relationship to be restored and generates great rewards when done properly.
         What are the components of this process? The priority in it is to glorify God instead of focusing on individual desires. It requires being honest about both party’s contributions to the problem and each one taking ownership of their part. In other words, before flying off the handle, “get the log out of your own eye”. After that, set the goal to gently restore the relationship and the offending person(s), and regardless of who did what first, God’s Word tells us to “Go and be reconciled”. Knowing that He wants our relationships to be restored as soon as possible, actively seeking restoration is of paramount importance. It doesn’t matter “who is at fault”. Simply knowing that the relationship is strained should be enough to get one “off the couch” and into “peacemaker mode”.
          Evidence of real forgiveness would be that you would not dwell on the incident, that it would not be brought back up and used against the other person, that it would not be a topic of discussion with others, and it would no longer hinder the relationship in any way. 
            Real forgiveness is tough but vital to a vibrant marriage. Saying “I’m sorry” is not enough. Owning up to the sin and letting the offended person hear that you under-stand the pain and extent of your actions, as well as expressing a desire to keep it from happening again will go a long way toward healing the relationship and allowing your marriage to thrive and bear fruit.

Eric Stockholm
Biblical Counselor

Marriage was not designed to be a 100-yard dash. It has its own pace, and goes through seasons where it may feel like a sprint, but it is merely one part of a much longer race. FamilyLife, a great marriage ministry, once interviewed people who had been married at least fifty years and asked them for one piece of advice to give to those in the midst of the marriage marathon. Below is the list of “Top Ten” responses…

• You need a Savior.  Putting two sinners together for a lifetime makes this a priority.
• Stay committed to one another.  Love is not a feeling. It’s a decision that needs to be renewed regularly, especially when the relationship is struggling.
• Pray with your spouse.  This takes us away from a “me first” mentality and opens the spousal needs to each other.
• Forgive one another.  Remind yourself that if God can forgive you of all your sins, we are to do no less for our spouses. (More on that topic in a later blog…)
• Realize that there is no such thing as a perfect spouse.  And no, we probably aren’t going to be able to ”fix” their flaws.
• Have faith that God knows what He is doing.
• Trust that God gives grace and direction as you trust Him. Regardless of what life throws at you, this is paramount for your marriage to thrive.
• You will need to make compromises.  No, you can’t always have your way.
• Be objective and try to take emotion out of problem solving opportunities.  Don’t let a slip of the tongue escalate into a battle.
• Love your spouse.  In what you say, do, and think. That love can only come from God.

If your marriage feels a little stale, I would encourage you to get out of the rut you are in. Try dating your spouse all over again. 

For any questions or concerns in your marriage, please feel free to reach out!

Eric Stockholm
estockholm@fblr.org
Biblical Counselor